Connecting with peopleWhen you feel lonely or that you don’t fit in with people it can be isolating and depressing. When you go out everywhere you look are people connecting with other people and being happy. Even if you got on a night out with friends you can feel you don’t fit in and still feel lonely.

People have needs for different levels of connection and conversation. In social setting with groups of people the connection and conversation will be more superficial and may not be the deep and meaningful conversation you are looking for.

So if you want better connections and deeper conversations how can you achieve this?

First you must become People Fit

The first step is to build your awareness of what turns people off about talking to others.

Then simply you can be better with people just by avoiding doing any of those things.

Except it isn’t that simple. Dealing with, understanding and reading people is much more tricky because we are all unique.

So how can you boost your “People Fitness” levels?

Here are some tips to boost your “People Fitness”

  • Learn how to listen attentively

Read about listening – it’s not as simple as you may think

                Practice 1 listening skill a week

  • Check how much of the conversation you take up

You have 2 ears and 1 mouth so use them in that proportion

“Listen to learn” about a person rather than “speak about yourself”

  • What’s the quality of your conversation?

How positive is your conversation? Or are you negative?

How judgemental are you? Could you be upsetting a person?

How opinionated are you? Could you be offending a person?

  • Be aware of what stage your relationship with the other person is

                Don’t be over personal

                Don’t overshare the ins and outs of your life


  • Be aware that when people ask “how are you” that this is often a ritual question and people are often expecting a general answer not a detailed answer


  • Feelings beware! The make or break of a conversation and potentially relationship

Be aware conversations around feelings / personal stuff often come when a relationship has been established over time.

Trust needs to exist and a person needs to feel that the risks of being judged or hurt are minimised.

Equally if you don’t want to be hurt then moderating how you talk about your feelings will help.

Even if you can learn all these tips and even become an expert the reality is that some people don’t want to talk, maybe to you or anyone.

And when/if they do talk they may want to keep the conversation on the surface rather than a deep and meaningful conversation.

Finally just to make things with people more difficult to be good with people and build meaningful relationships requires practice forever. Even when you are good you can make mistakes and get it wrong. Just take stock and learn from the mistakes.

So how are you going to get “People Fit” or boost your “People Fitness”?